This week has been sobering.
The hours spun by like normal on Monday. Tuesday my world was rocked violently. I received the news that a dear friend had passed away on Monday. It was instant and earth shattering heartbreak as my thoughts moved to his wife and children.
I sat in R&B Breakfast Club at breakfast with my husband. Alone. We were excited to be able to have that moment without kids with us and then the phone call came. The phone call that changed the lives of so many in our community, not just me and my family.
My husband could barely choke the words out to tell me what happened. He just said, “I’m so sorry….” and fill in the gaps with the words I will never forget. A friend was gone much too soon. I covered my face with my hands and just sobbed those gut wrenching sobs that feel like they will rip you apart at the seams.
My heart…the pain….oh my God….why….no….please no….Kim…no…no….Kim….Lily….Wilson….Finn…Kim’s boys…No…NO..
It hit so hard. The weight and the pain. The noise around me faded into nothing. All I could feel was the pain and the reality that I would never again see Scott and Kim together. I would never see his humor on Facebook and warm smile when I would come over or see him out. But even the thoughts that I lost something did not compare to the pain that I knew his beautiful wife, Kim was facing.
I helped this family with their wedding. I have stories of volleyball, photography, kids, sessions, newborns…my mind raced with all the memories flooding me. But more than anything, my thoughts rested with Kim. She is such a sweet treasure to me and to know the weight on her at this moment felt like it was more than I could bear.
The world lost such a wonderful man and photographer this week and as a fellow photographer, I understand the fleeting moments that are documented just by a shutter click. The mundane. The painful. The memories. They are all important. Yes, fun activities are wonderful to document but I have lost the notion that the simple every day moments are the ones that you remember and cherish. If you would like to help Scott’s family left behind, please donate using this link.
Since Scott’s death I committed myself to documenting the everyday treasures. The moments that trek by weather you are paying attention or not. Kids getting their shoes on in the morning, pitter pattering over carpeted floors to wake up sisters, husbands snuggling with sick babies. I had forgotten how much I treasure these memories.
Soon that’s all they will be.
Because soon my babies will be grown.
I am writing this sitting in a hospital room thinking back over my week and listening to a song that has ministered to my soul for several months and today the words just hit me much deeper.
Known by Tauren Wells
You see right through the mess inside me
And you call me out to pull me in
You tell me I can start again
And I don’t need to keep on hiding
You won’t let go no matter what I do
And it’s not one or the other
It’s hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I’m fully known and loved by You”
“WHERE DO I GO GOD??? WHERE???
I jerked the steering wheel at the last moment to take the highway exit back to Cheyenne. “He won’t make it.” I heard Him say.
My dad has internal bleeding that has been there for some time draining away his life force and making it nearly impossible for his body to function. He probably would have been able to push it out longer had he not been sick with whatever virus my daughter had as well. He has lost two units of blood in a very short time.
Once at the ER, I motioned for the security guard to get the wheel chair before I had even come to a screeching halt. He was a guy smaller than me and super human strength and picked my dad up and set him in the wheel chair in record time. It was all happening at exactly the right times apparently. The valet attendant ran up to me as I was grabbing our bags out of the car and I literally threw the keys to her and took off.
My dad was unresponsive in my car on the way to the ER and inside wasn’t much better. He was acting like he was coming out of a drug induced coma and couldn’t even grab his drivers license out of his wallet. We answered one question on his symptoms and they wheeled him back. Lack of oxygen, a hard time drawing breath and purple legs will get attention. They had him hooked up to heart monitors, EKG and had a flurry of nurses in less than ten minutes. IVs were started, fluids pumped, medication started and then we waited.
After tests all came back normal we were stumped. I answered all the questions. I sent text after text after text on updates. I made phone calls helping my friend Kim arranging funeral plans. And I was at information overload. I had to tell my mom “No more information mom. I can’t remember it all. Let me tell Kim all that and then I will call back and you can give me more.”
It was intense.
They finally figured out after they gave him two bags of fluid and he drank about eight cups of water that he was dehydrated which skewed his blood tests to look normal.
He was bleeding internally and had lost two units of blood.
They would be admitting him to see the surgeon.